How to Politely Tell Someone You Had a Death in the Family and Cannot Speak

Final updated 29^th March 2021

half-dozen min read

When someone dies information technology'due south never easy to know what to say to those left behind.

You desire to acknowledge the loss and allow your friend or family unit member know you're thinking of them, merely how do you know what to say?

In that location are ways show your honey and support, and to ease them through the conversation – as well every bit a few phrases to avoid.

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Ways to limited sympathy and condolences

What exercise you lot say when someone has lost a loved i? Should I share my favourites memories or volition that be distressing to hear? Volition you make them more upset? Am I being sensitive enough?

If y'all're worried about finding the right words, we've put together a listing of comforting things yous could say to show your dearest and support.

The best things to say when someone dies

• I'yard so sorry for your loss
• You are in our thoughts and prayers
• They will be then missed
• I'm very sorry to hear this tragic news
• I'g shocked and saddened past this devastating news
• I tin can't imagine how you must feel right now
• If you lot want to talk, I'm here at whatsoever time
• I'm thinking of you lot in this heart-breaking time
• She/he was a wonderful person, I'thou so pitiful they're gone

There are things that you can say or do that can be supportive or begin to open up upwardly the conversation. These 'Dos' and other words of comfort might offer some help.

DO: offer your time

"I'm here for yous"

Your friend or family unit member might not want, or even need, your help initially, simply you can be sure they'll appreciate your time a little later on.

Just knowing there's a supportive face to open to can offer keen condolement, while giving the person infinite and letting them mourn at their own pace.

"I'm if y'all'd similar a chat"

Permit people know when you're free for a chat. It's important that they know you're here for them. They'll capeesh any fourth dimension you can spare to help them through the difficult time.

"Is there anything I can help yous with?"

It might be a pocket-sized gesture, but practical support is just as meaningful every bit emotional back up.

Later on a expiry, there are many things that need to exist dealt with, and helping with everyday tasks tin make the difference.

Even if it's just offering to make a meal or helping with the housework.

DO: Keep information technology focused on them

"How are y'all doing?"

Request open questions gives the bereaved a run a risk to open up and talk about how they're actually feeling.

Offer a supportive ear and heed to what they have to say.

"I don't know what to say"

Sometimes, there are no 'right' words and that'due south fine. Only information technology'southward important to proceed talking – about anything.

This way y'all're keeping lines of advice open. Information technology shows you're in that location and you care, which is what they demand most. They may non be gear up to talk about the person who died, and so this leaves the decision with them.

What to write to testify you lot intendance

You don't always need to accept a phone call to permit someone know you're thinking of them.

If you're not able to speak, instead send a sympathy carte or letter, an email, or a quick text.

Sending a card when someone dies is a elementary offer of sympathy, merely it lets them know you're there if they need to talk. If you need help, read our what to write in sympathy messages article.

Even if you don't get a reply, they will appreciate the thought.

What else to consider when talking to someone who is grieving

In expressing sympathy, you're offering compassion and concern for the grieving person, so brand their feelings your main priority.

If yous're really struggling, it might exist helpful to know the sort of affair you lot should be avoiding.

What not to say

While we might not mean any harm, in that location are things that can be less than helpful to a grieving person. Here some phrases to avoid:

• They're in a better identify
• Stay stiff
• At to the lowest degree they're no longer suffering
• You'll motility on in time

These may seem like innocent phrases, but they tin can be quite harmful and dismiss someone's pain.

Don't: endeavor to prepare or speed upward someone's grief

"In that location is a reason for everything"

When consoling a grieving friend, don't feel as though it's your job to justify or rationalise the death for them. Simply be there and listen.

"At to the lowest degree they lived a long life"

No matter the age of the deceased, the death of a family unit member or friend is unimaginably painful.

Don't: focus on yourself

"I know simply how you lot feel"

Even if you take lost someone yourself, and you want to evidence you sympathize their feelings, it won't offer any condolement to someone who'due south grieving.

We all cope with loss differently, and yous can never fully understand how someone else is feeling, and then it'southward best to avert comparing the situations.

"Are you feeling amend notwithstanding?"

These simple words will hurt your friend more than than y'all think.

It may take people months or years to grieve and for some people it will never feel improve.

While we desire our loved ones' pain to ease as quickly as possible, information technology's best non to presume or put a timer on other people's emotions.

Don't: Continue quiet

Sometimes keeping quiet can be even worse than saying the wrong affair.

It's hard to know what to say merely if you lot don't say annihilation at all, it can feel to the bereaved as though they're being ignored when they need you nigh.

Consider what y'all're saying to someone, and at the very least permit them know you're there to talk.

Useful contacts

Death and grief are never like shooting fish in a barrel to talk about, and often people are unsure what to do.

Information technology'due south a hard subject and people handle it differently, so you might be more comfortable discussing loss anonymously with someone who knows just the correct things to say.

The Cruse charity offers a wide range of support, with a free helpline, whether you're the bereaved or trying to help a friend through a tough period.

Similarly, Dying Matters have enough of free resource available to assistance you talk more openly almost death and bereavement.

Funeral planning tips and tools

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Source: https://www.sunlife.co.uk/articles-guides/funeral-planning/what-do-you-say-when-someone-dies/

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